Life. Pshhhhh. I am done with you. If God or Mother Nature was sitting in the near vicinity of me I think I would throw my entire Mac at them. Lately they have been teaming up against me resulting in, of course, extreme awkwardness.
Stemming from my last experience with a cop, I’ve decided to keep up the routine. The pre-req for this story is acknowledging this pathetic excuse for a Vermont summer we have been having so far. Rain, every five days? Why yes, that is the perfect recipe for summer fun! Not.
After one of these delightful freak thunderstorms Vermont seems so fond of lately I was headed down Main St. on my way to work. Naturally, I was running a tad bit late and threw on slightly inappropriate (for the weather and life in general) wedge flip-flops. Half-way down Main I begin to slip on rain-plastered leaves that have decided to invade the general area of the sidewalk. This slip moves into full-blown eating of the pavement when my entire ankle rolls over the edge of the side-walk, which naturally drops off onto a rather steep hill. (For those B-towners I’m talking about the area right near Champlain College) My shins hit the edge of the sidewalk and the start of this hill with its wonderful wet grass and it’s all over.
Next thing I know I’ve tumbled head over heals into the middle of Main St. Awesome. Completely disoriented I sit up on the pavement and pray that I can quickly, and not too terribly awkwardly, hobble up the hill before any passing cars see me. No such luck, luckily a car with flashing lights pulls over right behind me, and out steps a lovely city cop. After aiding me in standing, questioning me if I am alright about 5 times and desperately trying to give me a ride to my destination I manage to escape (or rather scramble) up the tiny hill to the sidewalk. I look down just in time to see this “cop” pull away in his cruiser, which happens to have ANIMAL CONTROL smeared across the side of it…
I was just rescued from the middle of the road by Animal Control. How terribly fitting for my life.
Additionally, this picture pretty much accurately sums up how I felt about the whole experience: horrified and questioning if this was, in fact, reality.
While this has been the only recent full blown catastrophe I have also acquired a nice bundle of awkward encounters while on the run. Example: City Market. While attempting to grab a sandwich and eat and run on my lunch break I cut down an isle to come semi face to side-face with a questionable “friend” from Red Square. In my horror-induced skidding to a halt and turn around maneuver, I run quite literally into Kornbread. (For those of you who do not know who this is he is most likely homeless, has been arrested and tends to leave crack-rocks in the dorm beds of his hookups. Oh and he also had a music video that aired on UVMtv. Cool.) Yeah, life is good.
Only a few days before that while cutting down Cherry St. a complete non-DILF pushing a stroller looked at me and exclaimed, “NAAAAAASTY GIRL!” It was exclaimed in a way which most definitely was not insinuating that I was offensive. Being jarred from this ‘compliment’ I then collided into one of Church Street’s many garbage cans in front of a large pack of Frat bros.
In short. Life is clearly good. Expect another update relatively soon seeing as how I must go to Banknorth tomorrow and inquire as to why my bank account is over-drafted by a quite a few grand. Should be good I’m sure.