Evil Turnstiles

 

Somehow I survived hundreds of turnstiles in Europe and England. The tube? No Problem. The Metro? Easy as pie. Yet one single turnstile in the Bailey-Howe Library has become the death of me. 

Normally I have no problems simply busting through this wretched device and moving onto my coffee. However today was apparently not pleasing the Gods of Awkwardness and they decided to mix it up a little with my life as their guinea pig. 

While simply trying to enter the library, my leg felt the need to get it’s sexy on and my thigh managed to somehow wrap itself around the pole instead of pushing it. Yes my thigh went stripper-moves on me and the result was disaster. 

Since my thigh was in sexy-time mode and wrapped around the pole my body followed it upon trying to move. Needless to say I ate it, in a very very big way in front a lot of good looking males in the library. 

Seriously?

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Midterm Mayhem

The season of midterms has struck with force. The result of spending endless hours in the library without food and guzzling mass quantities of coffee has taken its toll on my psyche and on my ability to act appropriately in public. 

In my weakend state I have been causing a few scenes around campus lately and dealing with some generally awkward moments.

Firstly I place the blame upon whoever tracked in the slippery substance. Whoever put that crap on the stairs of Rowell owes me, big time. When my foot made contact with your slippery goop my life went down the tubes. Needless to say I made the mistake of stepping on dangerous terrain, and my foot decided to make a break for it, causing me to do one of those awkward moves where you run down the stairs with amazing speed because if you don’t book it you’ll eat it. 

I thought I had the situation under control, until I hit the door of the stairwell. I hit the door with the force of a 18-wheeler and bust through the doors only to find a very attractive man walking innocently by on the other side. He didn’t stand a chance.

I hit him with the door……and then with the full force of my body. I full body tackled a guy, at the bottom of the stairs in a crowded building, right when classes were changing and roughly a million people we’re circulating around the area. YEAH, that was a good time. Really good, not.

 

Here’s another little tidbit to brighten your day. The other day it was snowing and some girl apparently missed this memo, in a big way. She arrives in the library and sits down across from me. She proceeds to remove her dinky, fashionable pea-coat to reveal an itsy bitsy cami. Yeah ok my first instinct is to throw on a tank top when I see snow swirling around outside my window too, nature ain’t got shit on me. 

So I’m busy looking at her with judgement when she decides to stretch herself out and crack her back. At this point I’ve moved back to working on my midterm. When I glance around about five minutes later I notice something a little odd…

“Is that? No it can’t be. Oh god it is. That is her nipple. Oh jesus”

Yes, the girl across from me in the library is rocking a nip slip. Hey sweetheart, this is the LIBRARY not What Ales You, put the girls away, it’s not time to play. Also this was no minute slip of the nip, it was a full on attack of the eyes. 

I didn’t even know how to approach the situation let alone say “Hey there, um you nip is all in my zone, fix yourself.” So I pretended nothing was out of place. Awkward.

There have been numerous other awkward moments in my life lately but alas another midterm strikes and I have no time detail them.

Peace out till the next nip slip.